There’s a pathway that leads to rejection. It’s where people think of you with objectification. I can’t help but to hope that regret goes away, but I literally break myself to see joy on people’s face. I can’t help but to see this flame, but it’s not what you think. I’m a mess, I’m rejected, and I’m broken. I can’t believe that despite everything I’ve spoken nobody has come to my face but stabbed me in my back. I’m terrified of the future, but I’m embracing now. Life is full of adventure, wonder, and rejection. Often times we reject ourselves, but lately I’ve been rejected by others. Rejection is a simple Hell. It’s hard, dark, full of fire, and chokes us as we gasp for fresh air. Honestly, I don’t care. There are people who don’t like me. There are people who hate me. I’ve asked God “where is He?” and still Christ whispers to me “Here am I”. I wonder. I question. I suffer.
I can’t help but to see God in all of this, even if I’m seen as a black sheep. I’ve been called a false prophet, heretic, blasphemer, and more words that I could use as a noose to bring me to this hell as I gasp for air. It feels like the ones who speak against me are more concerned about sending me to hell than Christ. Where is love in this? Where is Christ in your words that you speak behind my back? Where were you when I needed you? Oh church, thank you for opening my eyes. I was filled with shame by you- now I have liberation. I was taught to fear a woman’s body- now I recognize its beauty. I was told to run away from sexual desire- unfortunately I’m still running because of the wounds you’ve put in me. I hate you but I love you. I can’t stand you, but I want you. I am the embodiment of rejection.
