A Poem: Ally

When I left, I thought that I would escape your grasps. I can’t fully run away from you. This system that I left behind is chasing me, and I’m tired and weary. My church has turned their back on me and my family is now, too. What am I supposed to do?

I have fingers pointing at me and arrows shooting at the target in my back. I’ve built an alter in my garden and weeped tears of blood and still you kill me every single day. When will I ever be okay? I hope today is the day.

When I stand up for righteousness, I’m beaten with stones. When I’m taking my last breath and ask you to leave me alone- you still attack. I’m getting stabbed in my back and I’m turning my cheek but I’m sitting here with faith in things hoped for but yet unseen. Maybe, I can scream.

I’m tired. I’m broken. I’m weary. I’m shaking. I’m praying with profanity. I’m killing my ego. I’m looking after you. Are you looking after me? I’m alone in this desert and I can’t seem to have my thirst quenched and with chapped lips I say “let me speak!” Where are you? Where am I? Why can’t we just get along? Don’t you see the flaws? Don’t you know the system is corrupt? When will enough be enough?

I confirm. I affirm. Don’t you see what’s going on? You’re throwing stones while being full of sin. Well you who are without sin, please cast the first stone. Don’t you realize that we’re all the same underneath our skin? I think you’re just blind and want to be righteous and alone. I’m not trying to pick at a bone. I’m just trying to ask you to please wake up.

I’ve got two bisexual sisters and I love them dearly, so I wonder how much God loves them too. If you think their life is below yours, then you’re mind is full of oppressive abuse. I’m sorry, but whether you’re a friend or family member- I don’t mind losing you. I’ll stand with my sisters hand in hand as you throw stones knowing that blood is on your hands. Please, open your eyes. Please, see what you’re doing. Please, understand that this life is worth more than what you give this group of people.

I’m tired of you and you don’t agree with me. You say I’m sinning. You say I’m kidding. You say I’m playing games. You say I’m a joke. You say I’m a liar. You say I’m lost. Have you looked at yourself? I wish that I could duck every time you throw a stone but I don’t. I take the blows to show that your system is fucked up.

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